On TikTok, a noteworthy trend has emerged as many users, predominantly women, announce their intentions for 2025 to embrace the concept of ‘being meaner.’ One such TikTok user, Alexus Bird, shares her resolution stating, “I try to be honest while sparing feelings but some of y’all are still pissing me off, and I’m not dealing with that this year. You’ve been warned.” These declarations often include phrases like “clearly I was not mean enough” or “I was too nice in 2024,” as first highlighted by Bustle.
While many of these videos lack specific context, some users specify a target for their newfound assertiveness, particularly towards men. This movement seems to underline a collective desire to end people-pleasing behaviors, which often require individuals to place others’ needs above their own. TikTokker Alex Candelario articulates this sentiment, adding, “I’ll be meaner if I have to be [in 2025]. My boundaries and my expectations are high.”
This advent of ‘being meaner’ as a popular New Year’s resolution provides valuable insight into collective sentiments. Psychotherapist Israa Nasir, author of Toxic Productivity, states, “Memes are always on the pulse, and a lot of people are feeling this way.”
What Does ‘Being Meaner’ Actually Mean?
The phrase ‘being meaner’ may simply serve as a humorous declaration of one’s intention to assertively express needs and opinions. Instead of genuinely being ‘mean,’ it could symbolize a newfound assertiveness that recipients may misinterpret if they are unaccustomed to such exchanges.
Clinical psychologist and relationship expert Wendy Walsh, PhD, suggests that this trend mainly reflects a conflict between cultural expectations and personal empowerment. She notes, “For many people, namely women, they’ve been programmed culturally to be kind, be sweet, be polite,” often at the expense of their own needs. This new trend indicates a desire among young women to be bold, assertive, and honest.
‘Being Meaner’ Drawbacks: When Assertiveness Turns to Aggression
On the flip side, meanness can convey a ‘me first’ attitude detrimental to interpersonal relationships. The terminology implies that individuals are cognizant of how their actions affect others yet choose to prioritize their own desires. Nasir warns that replacing assertiveness with aggression can backfire, as research indicates that such behavior is detrimental to both relationships and daily interactions.
6 Productive Ways to ‘Be Meaner’ While Still Being Kind
Although the urge to unleash frustration is understandable, it’s crucial to engage in assertiveness without crossing the line into aggression. Scott Cooper, a youth advocate and co-author of The Four Paths of Assertiveness, emphasizes the importance of direct and honest communication without seeking to overpower others.
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“The trend isn’t about being mean to somebody,” Walsh states. “It’s about being nicer to yourself.” Here are practical strategies to embrace this mindset:
1. Get Honest with Yourself
Self-reflection is vital. To effectively communicate your needs and set boundaries, a thorough understanding of your capacities in various relationships is essential.
2. Use “I” Statements
Communicate your feelings by using “I” statements to foster constructive dialogue, without presuming the other person’s thoughts.
3. Try a “No and Yes” Approach
When asserting yourself, follow a “no and yes” mindset. For instance, when declining a request, offer an alternative solution, which maintains helpfulness without compromising your boundaries.
4. Be Persistent
Respectful assertiveness often requires persistence. If the conversation doesn’t yield satisfactory results, remain firm while maintaining respect until your needs are addressed.
5. Control Your Response
Responding thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively, can enhance communication. Allowing time for reflection before responding can lead to clearer, more composed discussions.
6. Exhaust Your Options
It’s important to engage in respectful assertiveness for your own mental health. If all attempts to reach a resolution fail, you can find peace in knowing you genuinely tried.
As Nasir emphasizes, this journey enhances personal growth in emotional maturity and communication skills. Joining the TikTok movement advocating for ‘being meaner’ signifies a departure from people-pleasing and aligns with a healthier practice of self-care.
